There are these people on Facebook who have always gotten several dozen or even several hundred likes within 30 minutes of posting. But some people does not. And yes, it has been hurtful in a way for them. Seeing their posts lingering on their timeline with just a handful of likes was painful, at least for some. It made them feel unworthy, as if no one liked them. It created a feeling that no one cared about what they had to say, or even about them in general. Even worse, it made them believe that they think the things they’ve shared are just dumb. they literally felt like a no one. Do you know what that felt like? Surely some of you do. And that’s okay. Why?

1. We are our own critics. Why is it this way? Why do you feel so bad about yourself and doubt your worth when you don’t get a certain number of likes? Unfortunately, the answer is this: You determine your self-worth, the way you feel and perceive yourself, based upon on how worthy others find you. The more likes you get, the better you feel about yourself. It is as simple as that. If and when you don’t get many (or God forbid, any) likes, it devastates you. you are embarrassed. you tell yourself, “Damn, I shouldn’t have posted this one.” you regret sharing what you did, even though you shared it because you liked it, but no one else did, apparently.

2. As much as you hate to admit it, you have always cared about what other people think of you. you crave approval and you are highly motivated by rewards. At you very core, you are a people pleaser. you truly enjoy making people happy and you want people to like you. For many of the people this sounds like normal behavior. Most of the people care about how they are perceived. But what if this isn’t the best way to go about your life? What if people’s reliance on external sources of approval and happiness is interfering with our innate desires? Perhaps the secret to true happiness lies in your ability to stop worrying about what other people think and start living by your own rules instead.

3. In order to develop your own internal compass you needed to get in touch with what you truly wanted out of life. you need to be confident in your decisions and act according to your own beliefs without being clouded by the expectations of those around you. This all sounds great in theory, but how do you actually go about this? The solution is to change your source of motivation. Psychological research differentiates between intrinsic motivation and extrinsic motivation. Intrinsic motivation is closely aligned with your identity. When acting under intrinsic motivation, you are motivated to do something because you find it satisfying, not because you find the perceived results satisfying. Extrinsic motivation on the other hand, is more reactionary. When you are extrinsically motivated, you do things based on situations and other people. In these cases, you feel pressured to act according social norms instead of aligning with your true interests. The people pleasers of the world fall into the latter category.

More than that, learn how to fall in love with yourself, so you can stop being concerned with how many likes we get.